Happy Birthday
by Mrs. James Harold Potter
Summary: I accepted all of his other words, but a happy birthday from Jess Mariano isn't just a happy birthday. Literati. Episode 6.08.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! Just a little thing I was thinking about earlier today. I would love to hear feedback. Love you all. Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters, or the wonderful writing of this show. **

"Happy birthday, by the way. Wasn't that a couple weeks ago, your birthday?"

_Happy birthday_. The weight of those words deflate whatever remaining gusto I had from earlier in the night. I accepted all of his other words, but a happy birthday from Jess Mariano isn't just a happy birthday. With Jess Mariano you have to find the subtext in cases like these. Just because you can't find it, doesn't mean it's not there. But I know Jess too well. It's been years, but he opens his mouth and speaks and suddenly I'm sitting on a bridge debating the merits of Faulkner and Dickens.

It isn't a big deal; it's just my birthday. But for one reason or another, it's all I can think about. Jess makes me feel like home. And somehow, home is the one thing that's been missing from my life these days. I think about Mom, and our forced conversation at Grandma's. I think of how silly I feel in DAR dresses, and how Shira Huntzberger's seating arrangements are the biggest conflict for me now. I think about Yale, and my room in Star's Hollow plastered in dreams that will never come to fruition because I dropped out. I think about Logan, who can't say that he loves me back. The same Logan who doesn't remember my birthday until he hears it from Emily Gilmore. The same Logan who gets me a glorified computer bag that is apparently known as the elusive "Birkin bag" in the affluent world that I have so conveniently placed myself in. I start to resent this person I have become; the shell of whatever Rory Gilmore used to be.

But Jess wishes me a happy birthday, and suddenly I forget all those things even existed. His voice is laced with apologies and concern and love and for the first time in months I'm a living breathing person who isn't mindlessly going through the motions of her life.

For Jess Mariano, a happy birthday isn't just a happy birthday. It's _I love you. I'm sorry. I'm worried about you. _It's his asking me if I still love him too. If I want to come with him; leave this behind. It's an opportunity to start again. His eyes are entreating me to respond in kind, but the most I can muster is a nod.

But Jess knows I can't give him any of that right now, and he doesn't expect it. Instead he walks away, giving me the greatest gift anyone could have given me. Greater than any ostentatious birthday party or thousand dollar handbag. Jess Mariano gave me my life back.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I don't know what inspired me to write this, and it may be a little corny. Nevertheless, thoughts are always welcome. :)**

"Ror, no." Jess looked with disgust at the red bandana with which I was trying to blindfold him. "I told you, no birthday surprises."

"And I agreed. No surprises. Just put the blindfold on, get in the car, and mind your business." I jumped into the front seat of my car, turning the keys in the ignition. Watching Jess begrudgingly blind himself with a bandana while squirming around uncomfortably in his seat is easily the best part of the surprise.

"And the fact that my line of vision will be completely obstructed for the next six hours is none of my business?"

"Nope. That's between me and your eyes. And don't peek, Big Brother is watching." He laughs, reaching out with both hands to blindly fumble with the stereo. I am filled with the overwhelming temptation to simply sit there and watch him struggle, but switch the station for him, our fingers gently brushing as The Doors begins to play in the background.

We drive in this comfortable silence for a while. It isn't until we've made our way through two entire Jim Morrison solo albums that panic starts to set in.

"So, I think we're lost." I announce, after a solid twenty minutes of contemplating just that. I pull over to the side of the road, and Jess chuckles knowingly.

"Wait, why didn't we just use GPS?"

"Because! I am stronger and far beyond that, I am the Queen of Navigation. I don't need fancy directions to figure out where I am going." I look around, flustered. Trees. Trees everywhere.

"As per your coronation by whom? The actual Queen of England?" I let out a disappointed sigh, and Jess immediately reacts, taking off the blindfold. I can tell he wants to laugh at the sight of our being in the middle of well, nowhere, but instead he turns to me with a look of mock concern. "Seriously Rory, I've been begging Luke to take me camping since high school. How did you know about that?"

"I always knew you loved The Yearling a little too much." I mumble, halfheartedly trying to play along.

"Okay." He affirms, surveying the area with a look of interest, and taking my hands in his.

"Okay, what? Okay, we're going to be one with the deer? Or okay, this has been the worst birthday surprise since … Okay. Jess, I'm just going to ruin the surprise."

"Am I on Dateline? You didn't let me fix my hair before going on national television?" He starts to laugh, but quickly falls into silence again, pausing for me to continue.

"I wanted to do something important for you this year. This is your first birthday since we've gotten together, and I never got to thank you… for everything." I reach over his lap, opening the passenger glove compartment, pulling out a tattered copy of _The Subsect. _"I know this is mine, but I decided to take a leaf out of your book." He takes the book out of my hands, and watch as the puzzled expression on his face is replaced with the semblance of a genuine smile. I continue to explain, but he's so absorbed in the book that I'm not entirely sure if he's even paying attention. "I filled it with all of my notes. I know you said you couldn't have done it without me, but Jess… I know for a fact I wouldn't be here right now if it weren't for you."

He finally looks up, his eyes full of tacit love and understanding. He grabs my face and kisses me deeply. He then breaks away just as suddenly, the puzzled expression returning to his face. "Rory, this is amazing. But why are we parked on the side of I-95 North? I think I see a farm over there, and this is beginning to feel a little like _Silence of the Lambs_."

I smile sheepishly, reaching over and taking the book from his hands, searching for the right passage. I start to read. "'I stood there, in awe of the expansive ocean before me. It was only a lighthouse, but in that moment I finally understood the transcendental revelations people have in the presence of nature's great wonders. And here's my personal, albeit simple revelation – I was going to be okay.'" It was only a character, and part of me had wondered if Jess actually had been there before. I did the research, and found a snippet in a local Philadelphia paper from 2007 where he said that he actually had never been to a lighthouse before. It took a lot of coercing, but I managed to convince Luke to casually mention lighthouses in a conversation with Jess to corroborate his words in the interview.

"The Portland Head Light." He murmurs, finally coming to understand all of the commotion. "So where does that leave us right now?" My heart sinks, remembering my failure of a roadtrip.

"Somewhere in the middle of Philadelphia and Maine?" He looks ahead at a sign on the highway, and I follow his eyes. _IHop, 2.3 miles._ He looks away from the sign, and then back at me.

"Pancakes?" I breathe a sigh of relief. I had been so frantic about making sure everything was perfect, I had completely neglected eating.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to hear you say those words."

"Ror?"

"Mmm?" I happily started up the car again, my mind blissfully filling itself with thoughts of a chocolate chip shortstack. And maybe some bacon.

"Thank you. For all of this." He leaned across the gear shift, his warm breath tickling my neck. "I love you."


End file.
